A rainy day in March

 Today is just a rainy day in March. I swear, now whenever it rains in the early spring and it's a cloudy day like it is today in March, I'm often reminded of a time in 2013 when I would go with my late common law husband, Jason to clean houses all over different parts of the Milwaukee, Waukesha and Wal Worth County. Some were move ins, some were move outs, and some were just a cleaning up. Anyway, today being a rainy day like this reminds me of the one time we had to clean a house some where in the Milwaukee county where the weather was just like this, and the people we were cleaning for, their names I remember were Tim and Sarah. At the time they had these 2 little kids who were about 1 and 3, I'm guessing. Just think, those kids are probably 12 and 14, by now. Whenever I think about the times I used to go with Jason into pristine parts of Milwaukee, I really just wish I could go back to that moment when I was still with him and we were still together. I wish I could change some of the choices Jason made in the past, just so he could still be here in the present. I wish looking back,we had gone for walks in Waukesha's Frame park more often and not just the first 2 years we were together. I wish he had quit smoking a long time ago, shortly after him and I met. And that he never got back into the habit. I wish that some how we had gone out for walks more often, and he could have gotten away from the drinking scene for good. I wish he had started eating a lot healthier, while we were together. I also wish he had never gotten pneumonia in 2017, where it messed up his lungs. And I wish it was still just me, him and our 2 cats. And if it wasn't for his bad habits, I can't help but think, he could have been the 1, since we had talked about getting married and what not.

Another thing I remember about him and me on cloudy days in the spring like this, is a time in 2013 when after I helped him clean a house, we went out to lunch somewhere as a reward for doing a good job. I know that he was just trying to help me out by putting me to work. I even think of times we would go into grocery stores together. I can't quite remember why we did though. All I know is I would give anything to go back to when he was still here, and I thought we'd be together forever. 

Of course, if he were still here today, I'm not so sure he would approve of me befriending a transgendered woman who I had met from my autism support group meeting, only for them to end up taking their life 2 and a half years from the day since Jason passed. He'd probably tease me for grieving over a "shim", when I thought she was pretty cool for being transgendered. Also, I can remember times we would go out in public and he would have a drink. A lot of the time when we drank in public, he would be more in control about consuming any alcohol. But when he decided to stop drinking in public and drink more at home behind closed doors, I think that's really when he lost control of the drinking.