Reasons why I might use the R-word

 So today, I’ve been doing some therapy on myself. And I’ve thought of this. Why do I even throw the R-word around? I know I’m not calling anyone that really does have an intellectual disability the R-word to their face and I know I’m not prejudice of people who have that kind of disability. So where is it coming from? Probably anger based, due to the fact that when I was 23 and again at 27, I’ve had airhead professionals talk my parents into forcing me into some day programs against my will, because they were too dense to listen to me, when I told them NO. And these programs will claim they work with all types of disabilities when it’s a bunch of bullshit! If they really did work with all types of people with disabilities in there, you wouldn’t just see people in there who really were mentally challenged. You’d see people in there who were on the milder end of the autism spectrum, you’d see people in there who are deaf, people who are blind, people with learning disabilities, people with ADD/ADHD, people with physical disabilities, and maybe even people with Tourette’s Syndrome in there. All I know is, I don’t want to be in there, because I don’t feel comfortable with being around people who really are mentally handicapped where I have to be in the same position they’re in, because I’m not mentally handicapped. I’m sorry I don’t, so don’t try to change my mind. I’m also scared that if I’m ever seen in public with people like that when here I’m in the same position they’re in, by anyone I used to go to school with who might have thought that I was “mentally challenged” and they might have even called me a “retard”, I”m afraid if they see me hanging around with people like that, I’m scared they’re going to think they were right about me when they said that. I’ve been called that by people I went to school with, I”ve been called that by members of my family, although they’ll never admit that they ever called me that because they just want everyone to believe that they would never do that and protect their own precious reputation with other people. And I’ve even had airhead professionals tell me they think I’m mentally retarded by trying to stick me in these day programs for adults who really are intellectually disabled. It’s the most embarrassing and degrading thing I’ve ever gone through. When people with autism are constantly put in programs and positions with people who really are mentally challenged, it’s no wonder other people get this idea that autism is a mental disorder! And to have so many people call me the fucking R-word, has probably hurt me, whether I’ve realized it or not!