FML

Over the years since I've been out of high school, I've seen friends, relatives and classmates of mine get married while in their 20's and 30's. They get to have that ceremony where they get to wear the perfect dress, perfect tuxedo, they get to have the bridesmaids and groomsmen of their choice, as well as a reception with the wedding cake, the dancing, the DJ playing the music the bride and groom like, and all their friends and family members are there for it. Well in my case, that's just not going to happen for me. I had this idea on where I'd want to get married and have a reception. But now, it's just not going to happen, ever. Because like getting that dream job, it's not a reality. It's just a fantasy.  At the rate things are going, it's now looking like I'll never get married. At least not while I'm still young. By the time I finally do, I'll be as old as my dad's sister  if not older. The only kind of guy who will ever want me is someone who just wants to use me and abuse me, and throw me away. And that guy will just be someone who does drugs, smokes cigarettes and drinks.  And those guys will never quit doing drugs or smoking or drinking.  There is nobody out there for me. The one man that's a good match for me, probably already died in childbirth and is waiting in heaven for me to find him. As far as Jason is concerned, he's not in love with me, and I'm not the 1 for him.
I need someone who is willing to help me and Jason won't help me. I try to keep clean in our appartment, but obviously it's not good enough. And I'm sick and tired of all these losers trying to make me think we actually have something in common, when all they really want from me is to get in my pants. I'm never going to find the right person for me. NEVER!!!