Hate
I fucking hate that the majority of people on both sides of my extended family are boys and men. I hate that I feel no sense of closeness with any of my relatives, because of my disability. I hate that they want nothing to do with me, because of what the fuck I have for a disability. I hate not just the fact that most of my cousins on my mom's side are guys, and that a large majority of them are mentally messed up in the head, and their taste in women absolutely suck. I hate the women they're with because those women are either sluts and whores and bitches, or they're with someone whose almost 10 years older than they are. Probably because they just want someone to mommy them for the rest of their lives. And I already hate those women my cousins are with because they're pretty messed up in the head, themselves. And I hate that all my cousins on my mom's side of the family that are boys are alcoholics. YUCK! 3 out of my mom's older sister's sons are drunkards with slutty bitchy whores for wives, girlfriends, or baby mommies.
My mom's younger sister's youngest son is an asshole and he's hated me since we were babies, practically!
I remember times when we were kids and we'd get together, he couldn't even be happy to see me. I'd try to approach him and act happy to see him, and he would tell me to just go away! When we got together during winter break and my family would give him a birthday gift because his birthday was 2 days after Christmas. And whenever we'd give it to him, he couldn't even say, "thank you ", and be happy to receive it from us. Instead, he would fucking cry like a baby, in front of us. And then he would shut himself in a room and open his gift he got from us. I hated it when he would do that. I didn't like it when he would cry in front of us, not because it hurt my feelings, but because the sound would hurt my ears. And when he would shut himself in a room like he did, I felt like he was expressing some sort of hatred towards us. Especially me. When he would cry in front of us, and then run and hide in the back room at what was my grandpa's house, it made me feel uncomfortable, and I also thought he was just being mean. I definitely took offense to how he would act.
When he got older, he would just shut himself in the room and open his birthday gifts in the room, with just his brothers being there. The fact that he didn't like opening birthday presents in front of people and the way he would act out because of it, made me feel uncomfortable.
When we got older, there were times where I would try to be nice to him, and all he did was throw it back in my face. If I tried to tell him something informative, he would repeat back what I said, as his way of making fun of me. And whenever he was mean to me, I was mean to him, right back. And at the same time, I'd be going through a hard enough time in school when I was in the first and 2nd grade, due to the fact I had 2 go to a school with boys my age who would get violent with other kids and teachers, because they either enjoyed physically hurting people, or because they were pissed off at you, so I didn't feel safe going to school there, I had a dad who would be physically abusive with me when he got pissed off at me. My dad would think just because he got pissed off at me, that made it ok to run up and kick me, or smack me in the head, and then here my cousin is doing the same stuff to me that these boys I had to go to school with were doing to me in the 1st and 2nd grade if he got pissed off at me. And it never occurred to him I had to go to a school where I was living in fear of kids who would get like that with me, or anyone.
So, if there's 1 thing I've learned, it's that you never want to piss off people who happen to be boys, men, or anything in between, because I know what kind of violent monsters they can turn into, if you piss them off. I hope they're happy! Assholes!!!
My cousin would also make fun of me and call me names. He would have my sisters pick on me, bully me, mess with my stuff, call me names. They would also gang up on me. And so, him and I would just fight with him. I know that maybe I wasn't always very nice to him either, but that's because he was mean to me, first, so I did what I did to him, as revenge.
I remember a time when I was 12, and I was at my mom's younger sister's house and he was in the living room, flipping channels, and as he was flipping channels, I saw there was an Alanis Morissette music video on tv. I just wanted to know what channel that was on, so I could go watch the music videos in another room. So I say to him, "turn it back, I want to see the Alanis Morissette video ", and he's like, "No". So, I'm like, "why not?" And he's like, "Because she stinks!" He's very lucky I didn't just punch him in the arm or something and be like, "fuck you!"
I know I'd get into fights with him while I was in middle school. But that was partially provoked, and I was also going through a hard time at school, too, because I'd have people I thought were my friends only to find out, they really weren't. And I was getting bullied at school almost everyday.
I know if there's 1 thing he used to do that I thought was funny, when we were camping. I was 10. He and Dana would walk down this trail, and if I came near by, and he'd be like, "a monster!"and then they would run away from me, so I'd just yell, "Me want brain!" Then they'd run away when I'd say that. That I thought was funny. And 5 years later, I did something to him that I still think is funny to this day. When my mom and his sister were attending his older brother's high school graduation ceremony, I climbed into this window well because it was deep enough. And I see him and my sister in the basement, so I knock on the window, and I'm like, "Hi!" My sister was laughing when she saw me in there, but my cousin was pissed! And he's being like, "Get out of there! Get out of there!" And then I pulled my pants down,and mooned him! I saw my sister was laughing, but he was pissed! And to this day, I still think it's funny, that I actually did that!And then after my mom's youngest sister's oldest son graduated high school, and then I got busy with being in high school and my cousin being in high school, we just hadn't seen each other as often. Especially after my maternal grandfather passed away due to cancer. So now if I were to see my mom's younger sister's kids today, it would just be kinda awkward since I haven't seen them in years.
After high school, my mom told me something about him, indicating that he wanted nothing to do with me.And now that we're older, I do want to see us be on good terms and get along with each other both online and in person.And yet, he wants nothing to do with me. And the more he acts all hateful towards me, the more I want think I want to be mean to him right back. But I can't. I don't have the heart to do it.
More recently, he might have me on his Facebook friends. But the last time I saw him in person, he didn't even acknowledge that I was even there. I'll try on occasion to comment on a picture he might post on Facebook now and again, when I try to be nice to him. He never acknowledges me online and I can't help but feel like because of my disability, he wants nothing to do with me, and looks down on me because of my disability. Like, dude, what's your problem?! There have been times when I've really tried to be nice to you and all you've ever done is throw it back in my face! Fuck you!
And now, he's currently going to be getting married in June this year. And while he's currently 34 years old, you know how old she is?! 42! She's almost 9 years older than he is. He might as well be marrying someone who's pushing 50, making her 15 years older than he is! I've watched these little video clips on her Instagram and she sounds like she's 50! She already has 4 kids that aren't even in her care, full time, either. It makes me wonder what kind of issues she might have. I think she's kinda too old for him, and I also wouldn't be surprised either, if he just wants to be with her, because she's already a mom and wants someone to mommy him for the rest of his life. But the fact that she's already in her 40's, COUGAR!!!!!
But hey, he's such an asshole, I don't think any woman around our age in her right mind could ever love him.
If I do come to this wedding, I will be nice to him and his woman that he's marrying. After all, she does look like a nice person, and I will give her a chance. But if they say or do anything to me that was truly meant to be mean spirited towards me, I'm going to make sure they don't hear the end of it. I see my cousin I'm speaking of right now is going bald. If he says or does anything rude towards me when I'm there, I should just take a Sharpe marker, and draw a line down the middle of his head and make it look like an ass! Then all day long, he can hear kids calling him, "Butthead!" Hey butthead! Hey butt head!" Uh huh! huh! huh! Uh Huh! huh! huh!
Ha! He probably hates me so fucking bad, what's the one thing I could do that would ruin his wedding coming up in June, is by showing up at his wedding. The thought of my being there ruining his wedding, just by being there in some ways is funny. But it's also kinda sad at the same time. What's he going to do if he's at his wedding reception and I show up? is he going to whine and pout the whole time I'm there? If he does, I'll laugh my head off. And then later, I'll tell him how all these years, what I've thought of him. He is such an asshole!
My mom's younger sister's youngest son is an asshole and he's hated me since we were babies, practically!
I remember times when we were kids and we'd get together, he couldn't even be happy to see me. I'd try to approach him and act happy to see him, and he would tell me to just go away! When we got together during winter break and my family would give him a birthday gift because his birthday was 2 days after Christmas. And whenever we'd give it to him, he couldn't even say, "thank you ", and be happy to receive it from us. Instead, he would fucking cry like a baby, in front of us. And then he would shut himself in a room and open his gift he got from us. I hated it when he would do that. I didn't like it when he would cry in front of us, not because it hurt my feelings, but because the sound would hurt my ears. And when he would shut himself in a room like he did, I felt like he was expressing some sort of hatred towards us. Especially me. When he would cry in front of us, and then run and hide in the back room at what was my grandpa's house, it made me feel uncomfortable, and I also thought he was just being mean. I definitely took offense to how he would act.
When he got older, he would just shut himself in the room and open his birthday gifts in the room, with just his brothers being there. The fact that he didn't like opening birthday presents in front of people and the way he would act out because of it, made me feel uncomfortable.
When we got older, there were times where I would try to be nice to him, and all he did was throw it back in my face. If I tried to tell him something informative, he would repeat back what I said, as his way of making fun of me. And whenever he was mean to me, I was mean to him, right back. And at the same time, I'd be going through a hard enough time in school when I was in the first and 2nd grade, due to the fact I had 2 go to a school with boys my age who would get violent with other kids and teachers, because they either enjoyed physically hurting people, or because they were pissed off at you, so I didn't feel safe going to school there, I had a dad who would be physically abusive with me when he got pissed off at me. My dad would think just because he got pissed off at me, that made it ok to run up and kick me, or smack me in the head, and then here my cousin is doing the same stuff to me that these boys I had to go to school with were doing to me in the 1st and 2nd grade if he got pissed off at me. And it never occurred to him I had to go to a school where I was living in fear of kids who would get like that with me, or anyone.
So, if there's 1 thing I've learned, it's that you never want to piss off people who happen to be boys, men, or anything in between, because I know what kind of violent monsters they can turn into, if you piss them off. I hope they're happy! Assholes!!!
My cousin would also make fun of me and call me names. He would have my sisters pick on me, bully me, mess with my stuff, call me names. They would also gang up on me. And so, him and I would just fight with him. I know that maybe I wasn't always very nice to him either, but that's because he was mean to me, first, so I did what I did to him, as revenge.
I remember a time when I was 12, and I was at my mom's younger sister's house and he was in the living room, flipping channels, and as he was flipping channels, I saw there was an Alanis Morissette music video on tv. I just wanted to know what channel that was on, so I could go watch the music videos in another room. So I say to him, "turn it back, I want to see the Alanis Morissette video ", and he's like, "No". So, I'm like, "why not?" And he's like, "Because she stinks!" He's very lucky I didn't just punch him in the arm or something and be like, "fuck you!"
I know I'd get into fights with him while I was in middle school. But that was partially provoked, and I was also going through a hard time at school, too, because I'd have people I thought were my friends only to find out, they really weren't. And I was getting bullied at school almost everyday.
I know if there's 1 thing he used to do that I thought was funny, when we were camping. I was 10. He and Dana would walk down this trail, and if I came near by, and he'd be like, "a monster!"and then they would run away from me, so I'd just yell, "Me want brain!" Then they'd run away when I'd say that. That I thought was funny. And 5 years later, I did something to him that I still think is funny to this day. When my mom and his sister were attending his older brother's high school graduation ceremony, I climbed into this window well because it was deep enough. And I see him and my sister in the basement, so I knock on the window, and I'm like, "Hi!" My sister was laughing when she saw me in there, but my cousin was pissed! And he's being like, "Get out of there! Get out of there!" And then I pulled my pants down,and mooned him! I saw my sister was laughing, but he was pissed! And to this day, I still think it's funny, that I actually did that!And then after my mom's youngest sister's oldest son graduated high school, and then I got busy with being in high school and my cousin being in high school, we just hadn't seen each other as often. Especially after my maternal grandfather passed away due to cancer. So now if I were to see my mom's younger sister's kids today, it would just be kinda awkward since I haven't seen them in years.
After high school, my mom told me something about him, indicating that he wanted nothing to do with me.And now that we're older, I do want to see us be on good terms and get along with each other both online and in person.And yet, he wants nothing to do with me. And the more he acts all hateful towards me, the more I want think I want to be mean to him right back. But I can't. I don't have the heart to do it.
More recently, he might have me on his Facebook friends. But the last time I saw him in person, he didn't even acknowledge that I was even there. I'll try on occasion to comment on a picture he might post on Facebook now and again, when I try to be nice to him. He never acknowledges me online and I can't help but feel like because of my disability, he wants nothing to do with me, and looks down on me because of my disability. Like, dude, what's your problem?! There have been times when I've really tried to be nice to you and all you've ever done is throw it back in my face! Fuck you!
And now, he's currently going to be getting married in June this year. And while he's currently 34 years old, you know how old she is?! 42! She's almost 9 years older than he is. He might as well be marrying someone who's pushing 50, making her 15 years older than he is! I've watched these little video clips on her Instagram and she sounds like she's 50! She already has 4 kids that aren't even in her care, full time, either. It makes me wonder what kind of issues she might have. I think she's kinda too old for him, and I also wouldn't be surprised either, if he just wants to be with her, because she's already a mom and wants someone to mommy him for the rest of his life. But the fact that she's already in her 40's, COUGAR!!!!!
But hey, he's such an asshole, I don't think any woman around our age in her right mind could ever love him.
If I do come to this wedding, I will be nice to him and his woman that he's marrying. After all, she does look like a nice person, and I will give her a chance. But if they say or do anything to me that was truly meant to be mean spirited towards me, I'm going to make sure they don't hear the end of it. I see my cousin I'm speaking of right now is going bald. If he says or does anything rude towards me when I'm there, I should just take a Sharpe marker, and draw a line down the middle of his head and make it look like an ass! Then all day long, he can hear kids calling him, "Butthead!" Hey butthead! Hey butt head!" Uh huh! huh! huh! Uh Huh! huh! huh!
Ha! He probably hates me so fucking bad, what's the one thing I could do that would ruin his wedding coming up in June, is by showing up at his wedding. The thought of my being there ruining his wedding, just by being there in some ways is funny. But it's also kinda sad at the same time. What's he going to do if he's at his wedding reception and I show up? is he going to whine and pout the whole time I'm there? If he does, I'll laugh my head off. And then later, I'll tell him how all these years, what I've thought of him. He is such an asshole!
Comments
Post a Comment