My letter to my late partner, Jason.

 Hi Cuddles,

I guess you know that I ended up reaching out to Josh Louis who happens to be a medium who reached out to you with a spirit box. I guess you already know that I miss how I used to be able to have conversations we used to be able to have when you were still here and when we were still together. I hope maybe now we can talk to each other again, even if it's like this once a month. I'm glad you were able to come through when he reached out to you. I feel it really helped confirm some things. 1. That I didn't fail you. I even heard you say in the video of his reading with you, "No, she didn't, she loved me", even though it appeared as "inaudible" on the screen. You're damn right I did, and I still do. This also helped confirm that you did in fact succumb to a heart attack, because I had wondered what had happened to you for a while, now. But now, I have more questions for you. On that night, if I hadn't left you alone in the other room, no matter how drunk I thought you were getting, and I had caught something sooner, and say I had called for help sooner while you were still alive, would you still be here, or would it have mattered?

Also, after you had left, I would start seeing things in the shape of hearts and occasionally, I still do. I'd see clouds in the shape of hearts, patches of snow and ice, puddles from it raining in the shape of hearts. I'd see little bits of our cat, Boo's fur on the floor in these little shapes of hearts, as well as the shape of hearts in the cat's litter boxes where they've peed. And I've also even seen clouds in the shape of the letter "J", as well as in the litter box. And on occasion, I still see these things and have even taken pictures of it with my phone. I've even told some of your friends about the shapes I've been seeing especially in the litter box, and they agree that might be you letting me know that you're still with me. So, what I want to ask is this your way of letting me know you're still with me?

You remember that coffee table we got from your parent's house? Well, after you passed away, sometimes our cat, Olaf will sit on one end of the table or wherever in the living room, and sometimes I'll see him looking all wide eyed at something. And when I try to follow his gaze to see what he's looking at, it'll look like he's staring directly at the wall. And there's nothing on the wall. Sometimes I'll see him looking up at the ceiling and I don't see anything there, either. So, what I was wondering was, if Olaf sees you, because I don't see anything there. Does he see you?

Also, 6 months after you had passed away, I went for a walk at the park we used to go for walks at by myself and I got this feeling like something or someone was walking next to me on my right-hand side, although I didn't see anything there. And sometimes when I would drive in and out of Waukesha the way we used to go, or drive through parts of Southeastern Wisconsin where we used to go and I'm in the car by myself, I'll sometimes get this feeling like there's either something or someone either riding in the passenger side of the car or the back seat of the car, even though there's nobody there. Is that you riding in the car with me? I hope it is. I just want you to know that you were the love of my life and I never wanted you to become just a memory. I would have liked to be able to have the experience of getting engaged to you, planning a wedding with you, and getting married to you. I never wanted you to become a memory and I really don't think there's anyone else out there for me who I'm meant to be with. So, is there anything you would like to say to me? If so, I hope to hear from you again. Love you and miss you.