Distractions

I think I really need something to really distract me. Today I went running and swimming at the gym for the 3rd time this week. I'm feeling better than I did yesterday, after hearing about who won the special election, last night in Alabama. But I can't help but keep thinking about how much I miss living where we did when we were living closer to everything so that if there was somewhere in the Waukesha county we either needed or wanted to go, we wouldn't have as far go, just to get there. And I want to move back into Waukesha. So, I'm glad that I contacted the Waukesha Housing authorities last week, and filled out an application for low income housing. And I did this for all 3 of us: Me, Jason, and our cat. And after having to take Jason to the hospital again, last night, as well as the number of times he's had to be in the hospital this year, it maybe just as well that we do move back into Waukesha, the next year. But if we do that and the only real way we would ever be able to afford living back out that way, we would have to live in a low income housing apartment, together. Preferably one that allows pets. But not Hickory Hill Flats. Not when I just moved out of there, 9 months earlier. And I know that Jason had also said something about getting us back on track and back on our feet. If part of getting back on track means, being able to move back into Waukesha, then at least I can say that I might have taken a step towards making that possible. Plus the reason I filled out the waiting list when I did is so if something does become available when our lease in Palmyra is up, we'll at least know we have somewhere to go, when it's time to move out again. I know I shouldn't fixate on it, until then because there's still that 50% chance we may have to stay put for another year if nothing is available when it comes time for our lease to be up. So with that being said, I know I need to keep in mind that we are still going to be living out here in Palmyra for most of next year if not the whole year, and that if I spend the whole year fixating on moving back to Waukesha, I'm going to ruin the year for myself. I think the one thing I liked was riding bikes in the area where I was living. And if you like to ride bikes and you can ride bikes no matter where you live, that makes all the difference. Plus I think it's also just that after living on my own for 2 years, I finally got to have my bike moved in with me and after having to ride bikes in a rural environment for the last 16 years, it felt good to actually be able to ride bikes in a residential area for the first time in 17 years now that I finally got to move my bike in with me, this year. But when you like to ride bikes, being able to ride bikes no matter where you live makes all the difference. I think it's just the first time in a long time I'd been able to ride bikes in a residential neighborhood since moving out of Iowa when I was 16. And now I'm back to riding bikes in a rural area. Even though the area is simple but nice and our apartment in Palmyra is simple but nice, it's just not Ideal for me.
Of course when we tried going to HAWS the first time after only losing Jason's dog 2 or 3 weeks earlier, looking at the dogs kept making me feel sadder and sadder, but I think it's because I just wasn't ready to really open my heart up to someone new, just yet. If you're not ready to adopt someone from an animal shelter just yet, you're not ready. And when you're ready, you'll know. But I know when I wasn't ready, I wondered, what was I going to do until I was ready? Well, I think just like when I wasn't ready to adopt someone new from HAWS, I figured maybe I just need to focus on just me and Jason living together and just enjoying eachother's company until then. And when I was ready and fully over losing Jason's dog, I'd know. And I also predicted that maybe we would be ready to adopt someone at HAWS much later in the year, as when it comes time to be celebrating certain holidays. Except I was thinking maybe by Christmas we'd be ready to adopt someone. I was close. We ended up coming back in mid to late October and adopted our cat, Boo. So maybe what I need to do until the time comes is just focus on me and Jason living together and working together as a team, and enjoying living together.
Whether or not we will be able to move back into Waukesha at the end of next summer isn't really something we shouldn't be worrying about until next summer. But even if we may have to stay put in Palmyra another year, that doesn't mean we can't still look around at other apartments in Waukesha in case we might find something.
 I think I just need to maybe focus on it being Christmas time for now. As for what to look forward to in January, that's hard because January is the first month of the year and 2nd month of the winter season. The only thing to look forward to in January is just seeing how much longer the days are getting. And then there's also Valentine's Day.